This time things were less different, but still the light seemed to be getting brighter and brighter. I squinted through my sunglasses at the rushing road and blurring fields. The drive out to Horizon Ave was a long one. I had been driving for at least two hours and the entire time I hadn’t even thought about what I was going to say to her. I grimaced at even the mention of the topic and rolled my palms on the steering wheel.

It had been almost six months since I had woken up in the Foglands, a desolate horrible place. It feels like what I would imagine the inside of my head to feel like. Swirling opaque clouds so thick the ground is lost under your feet. It’s dead silent and even your own voice doesn’t make a sound no matter how much you scream. It’s a space that exists somewhere between the realms, between Luximae and the Other World. A place where all magic is meaningless, sucked away, and you become irrelevant. I shivered, the feeling of that icy fog tickling its shapeless fingers down my spine, I couldn’t shake it. People don’t come back from the Foglands, they disappear, they rot there.

I chewed my lip, that wasn’t really entirely true though. I knew it wasn’t, but Charlotte still believed what everyone else in Luximae believed. So, she knew what she was doing by sending me there. I sucked in a breath. I couldn’t justify it, what she had done. She was the mastermind, had to be. Maybe she could tell me something different? I couldn’t justify it but I couldn’t stop trying to either. She was my sister, even if we had had our rough patches, we were still blood. We shared a room our entire childhoods, I was there for her when she needed a confidence boost and she was there to bring me back to the ground. She was even successful sometimes.

Why would she do this? I had already questioned the man she hired. It was her signature, there was no question, she hired him to do exactly what he did. Maybe there was a reason. No, there couldn’t be, not to send me there. Not when she knew what it would do to me. Charlotte was the only person I had told about the first time and how I couldn’t get him out of my head. How I felt like he lived in the Foglands, that every second of silence was his breath on my spine, every distant white nothingness were his eyes searching inside me.

My right hand spun the knob for the radio and a loud bass suffocated my ears. I needed not to feel like that. Not to feel him. This was about Charlotte and he was dead somewhere. Dead, long dead. I turned the music up until the mirrors in the car vibrated. I had been moving past it, dealing with it.

I turned the car down Horizon Ave. The sun was dipped low casting a red glow over the pastures and the tiny two story horse sitting in the middle of it all.  I parked the car at the end of the long driveway and turned off the car. The grazing horse’s pelts flickered like individual flames in the setting sunlight. The house didn’t look any different, not even since we were children. Charlotte had kept it exactly the same over the years, ever since Aunt Shae died and left it to her. I stepped out of the car and walked up to the small white gate that lead into the garden. The paint was chipping on the gate and the hinges were starting to rust. I winced at the loud creak of protest from the gate as I pushed it inward. The house was little slumped in its foundation, slightly tilted to the left, and I wondered how much longer it could last.

As I walked, I thought about all the times I had skipped over the garden stepping stones as a kid collecting worms and bugs, and all the times had I tripped over them making out with a boy in dark twilight. I rested my hand on the porch railing. The left railing stood taller, newer, than the old half rotted right side. I remembered standing there with some boy I wasn’t supposed to be out seeing when I heard Aunt Shae coming out. I had panicked and pushed him through the railing into the thick flower beds, obviously, she caught us. The flower beds were thin now with small blue flowers, they used to pink. Charlotte, helped me rebuild that railing, even though it was part of my punishment. I hadn’t even asked her to help, she just walked out with a hammer, grabbed some nails and started hammering. Had things really changed that much?

~

The couch was too low and my knees were bent nearly to my face. I crossed my legs even though it made sitting on the mini couch more uncomfortable. I wanted her to know, in my body language alone, that I knew what she had done. Charlotte and I had been sisters for most of our lives, cousins by blood but I had been sent to live with her when I was ten. I watched her bustle back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. She was moving but her green eyes were wide and her lips scrunched in that weird face she made when she was trying to make a decision or when she was uncomfortable.

She set down a plate of tiny sandwiches on the coffee table and extended a cup of tea towards me. Her long fingers wrapped delicately around the handle, her wrist trembling slightly while she kept her eyes busy searching the table. She really had not expected me to come back, that much had been evident from the moment she opened the door. She had gone so white her freckles looked drawn on with a brown sharpie.  I took the tea from her and set it down on the table between us. She sat on the edge of her seat, hands clasped together, her lip between her teeth. I studied her for a moment, trying to find that desire to justify her actions I had before she opened the door and her stunned guilty face had solidified everything.    

“You really can’t do anything bad, can you? It just eats you up inside.” I smirked and watched her squirm. It was easier for me to make this conversational, light, and definitely safer for both of us. I could feel that hot bubbling starting somewhere in my abdomen. The sloshing, churning as though a storm were blowing my stomach acid up into waves that crashed against my stomach walls.      

“I don’t–

“Oh, yes you do.” I carefully peeled a tiny sandwich off the pile, and took a bite. She stared at me her eyes so wide that her eyelashes brushed the hollow space under her eyebrows, leaving little brown streaks of mascara.

“Kai I really–

“Don’t ‘Kai’ me. You had me kidnapped and dragged off to the Foglands.” Well there went conversational and light.

“Bu–

“But what? It was somehow to my benefit? You were just being a good big sister by having someone drag me out into a deserted and potentially haunted landscape and left for dead.”

“Not left for dead!”

“Oh? So, that was just a nice vacation you had me sent on?” I stuffed another sandwich in my mouth. Eating was distracting me from how much I wanted to force her to drown herself in her own fish tank, and they were so fucking delicious. Damn her. Damn her for her stupid sandwiches, and damn me for trying to make an excuse for her.  

“No. I… you… you were…” She struggled for words and finally trailed off. I stared at her, eyebrows raised, and she sipped tea.

“I was…” I cocked my head to the side encouraging her to go on.

“Please do tell me how you are going to justify this, Charlotte.” Because I really couldn’t. Every expression she made, every moment she made and every single word that came out of her mouth was only egging on that storm turned tsunami in my stomach.  

“You. Mikyla, you’re not always easy to…” She sighed “This is not the place for you and it never was. You’ve always known that. Everyone has.” She cupped her face in her hands her fingers pressing on the sides of her nose, as though she had blurted something she wasn’t supposed to but it needed to be said. I pursed my lips and nodded. Here we go, more stuff about the only people who survive the Foglands as people of the Shade. People born with blood infected by the darkness from the Other World. The Nas Vari, it was a load of stupid superstition that had been following me all my life because my mother was a lunatic.  

“Oh sure.” I needed another sandwich. I took a bite and considered her she looked back at me her hands covering much of her lower face making her eyes appear rounder than ever. Oh, sweet little Charlotte, plotting to kill me. I wondered how long she had been planning to hire someone to drug me and ditch me in that place. I shivered and scrunched myself deeper into the couch cushion.  

“You know” I rolled a leftover piece of bread from the sandwich between my fingers. “I never would have thought you had it in you. I underestimated you, sis.” I held up my other hand palm facing her, she flinched, ready for a dose of magic that didn’t come, yet.  “I realize, I’m not your ‘real’ sister but I thought we had more of a bond than this. You could have told me you believe in the Nas Vari garbage from when we were children.”

“This had nothing to do with that superstition.” Liar.  

“Then why would I not belong here? I was born here, same as you. Just a few towns over.”

“You know you’ve always been different. You used to say so yourself.”

“Yeah well that was before I was kidnapped, the first time, and enslaved in the other world. Realized pretty quick that I definitely didn’t belong there just because my mother had some weird crazy shit happen to her off in some forest, supposedly, because no one knows what happened because she was too insane to tell anyone anything that made sense.” Charlotte gulped down tea and I sucked down another sandwich.

“Don’t you think it’s weird, the connections?”

I glared at her. “What connections?” The entire scenario with my mother was weird, sure, and so were some of my abilities, but that didn’t mean there were really any “connections”.  

“You and your mom, both disappearing over the Centerline into the Other World.”

“What’s your point? My mother willingly walked there I was forced. How is that a connection?”

“My point is maybe it’s worth considering that there is something to the Nas Vari theory after all. Maybe you really are a child of the Shade. It’s not like coercion is a normal ability.”

“It’s not like coercion is unheard of either.” I pointed out, before bringing the conversation back to what I really wanted to know. “And this is why you had me sent there again, to what? See if I came back a looney this time? Or pregnant with more little Shade babies? Or that maybe I would finally be locked there permanently if you got me close enough, like oh say, the Foglands? Was this some kind of experiment?” I waited. She was holding her breath, anxiety permeating off her.  

“I just think–”  

“I think,” I interrupted “You wanted me gone and really gone this time. All that hugging and happy to see that I was alive after all the years I was missing, complete bullshit.”

“No, it’s just Kai, you were too close to the Queen, and she’s young. Inexperienced.” Ah, now we were getting somewhere.  

“And she needed a better mentor than me? I wasn’t trying to mentor her, Charlotte. And even if I was that still is not an excuse for trying to kill me.”  

“No, it was very obvious you weren’t trying to mentor her, you just overruled whatever she said that you didn’t agree with. You used your coercion on her to force her to take the action you wanted and the worst part was she didn’t even realize that it had happened most of the time.” I rolled my eyes.

“She needs guidance. And she’s got power, she could have resisted– I started but Charlotte’s cold voice cut through my sentence.

“Not from you.”  I wasn’t sure if she meant Sabra didn’t need guidance from me or that she couldn’t resist me? Maybe both. They were probably both valid.  I eyed her curiously, trying to stifle the feeling of pride expanding in my chest. I had never heard Charlotte speak like that before, especially not to me. I forced myself to focus on what this was really about. Charlotte had finally outgrown me and now I was in her way.

“You then?”

“What? No.” Her eyes darted to the side running from mine. Oh, this was going down a path I hadn’t expected.   

“Come on, Char, let’s not kid ourselves. You want to be the right hand of little miss Queen Sabra and you couldn’t do that with me whispering in her ear. “I shrugged “Fair enough. I might even be a little proud of you for desiring something other than rescuing animals and growing plants. Doesn’t change the fact that you handled it like a sneaky, vindictive bitch.” Charlotte winced and her arm shot out reaching for her tea cup like it was some sort of shield. The sudden harshness of my words surprised even me. I had been doing a decent job of keeping things mostly conversational.

She cradled the cup in her lap and gazed down at the sandwiches. I nodded to myself and considered slapping her right across her freckled face. She chewed her lip and I searched for more words to say because if I didn’t find anything, I might start slinging magic. The waves were rising up into my throat threatening to dose my words and who knows what I might force her to do. My imagination can get pretty detailed when I get angry. Charlotte tilted her cup to her lips and gulped. I looked away out the window and out into her precious garden. That didn’t last long though because I kept picturing it burning and if I kept picturing that, it might actually happen. Then again… I shook my head and stood up. Charlotte stared up at me.

“Are you leaving?”

“Well I better do it myself before someone hits me over the head and tosses me in the dirt. I wouldn’t want you to have to go through all that work again.” I dusted breadcrumbs off my jeans and Charlotte stood up.

“Kai–

“Quit saying my name it’s not going to make me any more understanding to what you did. I don’t even care about Sabra, or her fucking golden throne.” Charlotte sucked in a breath. “I wouldn’t have even done something as low as what you did.” The water in Charlotte’s fish tank bubbled up and pushed the lid off onto the floor. Charlotte jumped at the sudden clatter and glanced at the tank. I needed to get out of here I was out of sandwiches and I didn’t personally have anything against the goldfish who were in real danger of being boiled alive. I walked around the table and toward the hall that lead to the front door.    

  “You wouldn’t have had to plan to get rid of me. You could have just told me to back off or shut up, or leave, and I would have done it no matter if I wanted to or not. Whatever you wanted all you have to do is say it. Maybe you would have had to break in and steal my amulet before you could manage it, but it would have been easy for you. If you wanted it bad enough you wouldn’t have hesitated. It’s what you have always done!” She yelled after me.

I stopped in the hall, my back to her. I could hear sizzling from the fish tank as the water reached boiling point. Damnit. I spun around and stalked back down the hall with such speed Charlotte backed into her couch and nearly flipped over it, openly afraid of what I might do to her. Good. Fucking good.  

“You’re right. But I never, ever, would have told you to go somewhere or do something that I knew would hurt you. Terrify you.” Somewhere in the sentence my eyes had welled up with tears. Flashes were lighting up inside my head. His soft hushed voice in the dim whiteness, hands on my ankles the taste of stale damp earth in my mouth. I swallowed and tried to focus on reality. The present. I could feel the cold wet air forming droplets on my bare skin. No, no. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them. My hands found Charlotte’s arms and I dug my nails into her skinny shoulders.

“You knew.” I hissed. “I told you where he took me. I told you what it’s been like and you exploited that.” I let go of her and took a step back. The fish tank was boiling over behind me, water and dead fish spilling onto the floor. “You had them bring me to that place hoping I would have an episode and never be able to get out of there. That I would be sucked into the past and never escape my own head. That is real evil, Char” She was crying. Slow tears slithered down her face like harmless streams through a forest of freckles but her green eyes glittered emerald and they had never reminded me more of a viper.

“I know.” She hiccupped. “I know I don’t know what I… I was just so overwhelmed. I… I’m sorry. Kai, please, I don’t–”  

But I was shaking my head, she knew she didn’t have anything else she could say. “No, you get to live with this. I’m not about to accept that you had a moment of insanity.” I turned and walked toward the hall. I stopped and turned back to her, my hand on the edge of the wall.  She looked so hopeful and utterly horribly sorry, standing there in a puddle, her dead fish pressed up against her shoe. I blinked to clear my eyes and tightened my jaw.

“I’m proud of you, Charlotte, absolutely swelling with pride.” She hiccupped a sob and I didn’t feel a thing but white anger. I wanted something to explode, to burn, to flood the real world the way fury was drowning all my organs.  I flung the door open and pounded down the porch steps with such force I was surprised my feet didn’t crash through the wood.  I barely had my magic under wraps and I didn’t want to anymore. I stopped on the little stone path leading to the petite wooden gate that lead out of the front yard and back to my car. Charlotte’s garden sprawled out on either side of the path. Green leaves spread out, swaying peacefully in the wind. It was beautiful and she didn’t deserve it. The honeysuckle was first to go, an uncertain flicker of blue ignited on one of the small flowers and trickled around the fence following the vine like a trail of gunpowder. My eyes were tearing up and the flames spread faster and faster gaining more certainty. Pale smoke drifted up into the darkening pink sky swirling high above the house, pressing into the windows. I sucked in a breath, letting the smoke burn my throat and my lungs. Tears were building on my cheeks, I wiped them away as I pushed open the gate, the crackling flames devouring the baby azaleas nearest me. I staggered to the truck and ripped open the door. The flames had grown so I high I could still feel the heat. Charlotte hadn’t come outside, my hands gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. I leaned my forehead against the center of the steering wheel, fingers twisting the leather.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” I banged my head into the steering wheel with each word, the sound of the horn suffocated my cursing. I looked back through the truck window the blue inferno reflecting in the side mirror as her garden burned. The flames were licking at her house but I held them back focusing on containing them to the garden alone. Unlike her, I couldn’t bring myself to risk her life though I wanted to. But more than anything, I wanted to watch her come out of the house and watch it burn, watch it crumble to dust and know she had nothing.

I could feel the fire raging in my subconscious lashing against the constraints I had put on it. Fire out of anger was hard to stop with pure pyrokinesis, if you didn’t really want to stop it. I tried to squelch it, to put all my rage away somewhere in a box. Tears were falling down my face again, droplets soaking through my jeans. I opened the door and hung my legs out of the truck looking back at her burning garden, the flames tasting the wood of the house. The front window burst. Did this make us even?

The fire looked like a blue blur through my eyes as they filled up with water and I imagined the house really crumbled into the ground, eviscerated into a pile of ash. I chewed my lip and closed my eyes and the image of Charlotte’s ashes mixed into the house nearly made me vomit. My eyes snapped open and the flames flickered into nothingness until there was only smoke swirling into a cloud that shadowed over the house. Charlotte’s thin figure drifted slowly from around the back. I slammed the truck door, shoved the key in the ignition, and stomped on the gas. I watched her form turn into a sliver lost among the blackened dirt while the road ahead blurred with sudden rain.